Physical Touch

“Love children and be kind to them.” Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)

What Helps Children Feel Loved?

5 Love Languages

Hugs are a common and powerful way to express love, especially for a child whose primary love language is physical touch. For them, a simple hug can feel like you’re shouting “I love you!” Physical touch is one of the five love languages described in the book The Five Love Languages of Children. These love languages include:

• Physical Touch (hugs, kisses, snuggles)
• Words of Affirmation (praise, compliments, words of encouragement)
• Quality Time (focused attention, play, spending time together)
• Gifts (tokens of affection and unexpected gifts)
• Acts of Service (helping with projects, taking care of needs)

Physical touch plays a vital role in a child’s emotional development, offering comfort, security, and a powerful sense of being loved and connected. A good rule of thumb is trying to have at least four meaningful physical touches each day to each child. This can be a hug in the morning and at night, snuggling on the couch whilst reading a book, or giving them a piggyback ride to breakfast.

Physical touch may not come naturally—especially if you didn’t receive much of it growing up. If affection wasn’t a regular part of your own childhood, it’s completely normal to feel unsure or even uncomfortable when trying to express love through hugs, snuggles, or gentle touches with your own children. This doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong—it simply means you’re learning a new way to connect. Becoming aware of this gap is the first step toward building a stronger emotional bond. With time, practice, and patience, physical touch can begin to feel more natural, allowing you to meet your child’s emotional needs in a way that’s deeply meaningful for them.

Many times it is possible to thoughtfully use physical touch to change the mood of children. Strategically working in several doses of physical touch can fill a child’s emotional bucket after school. You might rub their shoulders while asking about what homework they have, pat their back, or rub their hair when they walked by. It can be like watching the battery life indicator on my phone slowly fill back up.

Physical touch can also look different depending on age. Young children might hang on your leg or want to wrestle or climb all over you. Teens might draw back from hugs, but they might like a fist bump, a quick shoulder rub, sitting near you on the couch. Combining eye contact and a smile with physical touch can send that loving message without saying a word.

Being thoughtful about physical touch when it comes to discipline is very important if your child’s primary love language is physical touch. Spanking or any kind of negative physical contact can be devastating to a child. Thankfully, touch can be a powerful tool to help a child feel loved when being correcting. Holding your child in a hug as you talk through a frustrating behavior that you are trying to correct or being sure to hug after holding them accountable for a poor choice can balance the scales back to feeling love through the discipline.

Trying to work physical touch into your child’s morning, daily and evening routine can purposefully sprinkle meaningful loving touch throughout the day. Rubbing their back to wake them up, giving a piggyback ride down the stairs, having a hand on their back when asking a question, playing a physical game like football or basketball, having them sit in your lap when you read a book, brushing their hair at night, and giving lots of hugs and kisses are all kinds of ways to work in positive touch. Pay attention to their cues, though. Some children hate tickling and others love it. Part of the fun is figuring out what they like and trying to work in at least four positive touches a day with each child.

Key Points to Keep In Mind

• Aim for at least four meaningful physical touches daily—like hugs, snuggles, or playful gestures—to help meet your child’s emotional needs and build connection.
• Be patient and intentional if physical touch doesn’t come naturally; awareness and consistent practice can help it feel more comfortable over time.
• Use gentle physical touch strategically to boost mood, especially after school or during routines, adapting the form of touch to your child’s age and comfort level.
• In discipline, avoid negative physical contact and instead incorporate loving touch—like a hug during or after correction—to reinforce emotional safety and love.